No More Me

I  want to cry out loud but nothing coming out of my eyes. I want scream out loud but my mouth is filled with silence . I am drowning inside myself and I couldn’t save myself. 

I don’t know myself anymore.  Who am l? This is not me. I couldn’t recognize myself anymore. Why is this happening? Why? I don’t deserve this but still the worst part is I couldn’t even help myself. This is so bad. Am I so bad? Why there is no stop?I feel shattered. I feel like this is my end and the battle I was fighting for so long, finally I have lost it. I couldn’t even describe those feelings. I don’t have words to write it down. These feelings are beyond my words and I’ve finally given up. 

I  couldn’t hold on anymore. I tried to let go of everything and  that everything took away me from myself. I feel so empty and nothing.I don’t want to go through this pain. I don’t want this healing journey. I am tired and done. I want to end this all and want to be free. It’s very difficult to go through and too much.I thought I can fight with this but not anymore. I don’t want myself anymore.

Let there be Light

Stop….stop….stop!!!!!! Her heart was screaming hard with her silenced mouth but he didnt. He keeps pounding her tearing her soul apart. Shocked and traumatized she didnt even know what just happened!! What was that???? Being tormented and torn apart the little soul died. What to do??? Whom to say??? Everthing freezed around her.Everything became dark and the darkness never freed her. Not once,twice or thrice, it continued for months and months. She never told anyone anything and her silence became her little dirty secret. The little soul lost herself in the hands of that debaucher and get her innocence killed. The light inside her withered away and vanished. The darkness grew more and more and took her to the its world where she never belonged to. Everything she was going through was completely wrong. She was too young to deal with the pain. Everytime she went to learn, she gained knowledge of depriving herself of her own existence. All she wanted was to ran away. Everytime was excruciatingly painful and her soul couldnt take it anymore. She was searching ways to escape and luckily one day she got out of that nightmare. But still darkness never left her soul. The shame, guilt, fear still lived inside her. She locked herself in her loneliness and pain. Hard to breathe and survive, she lost her soul and the will to live disappeared forever. Fighting battle within herself, she lost the delight of her childhood. The innocence was snatched away and the carefree turned to despondent. Instead of enjoying the fragnance of life, she was forced to bear the pain of walking on the thorns.
But just like every storm runs out of rain, every darkest night has its end. She is born to be a warrior. She is the survivor. Life broke her but she never gave up. It was tough but she is tougher than that. With her broken pieces she kept walking and walking and walking. She faced her weakness and made it her strength. She never believed in herself but she believed that the dark clouds will soon fade away and the sunshine will bless her. And with this belief she rebuilt herself to find the light over the darkness of her soul. A little light was enough to make her soul shine.